imarielle626

From Scrubs (the newest episode)

Courtney Cox (don't remember her character's name): Why do you have a smiley ball and gun in your briefcase?
Ted: One's in case I get sad and the other's in case I get really sad

imarielle626

Nathan to Chase (about Mia):  If she happens to meet someone named Chris Keller on the road, punch first, ask questions later

That line just cracked me up!

bala

Lyneete water just broke she on phone with her boss trying to sort her job out whilt Tom slips on the water and tell her she needs to go to hospital

Lyneete :i will have this baby right here and beat you with it "

bala

Brock: Look on the bright side, its prom night and we don't have to worry about our daughter getting pregnant

bala

Barbra Jean: (To Reba) I thought of all people you should understand that when a marriage goes through a rough spot, it needs support. Instead, you stab my marriage in the back.
People in Bar: OOOOOOOOOOOHHH.
Barbra Jean: Yea, that's right.
Reba: Oh don't you oooh me. She had an affair with my husband.
People in Bar: OOOOOOOOOOOHHH.
Barbra Jean: I didn't steal her husband. He came running!

Van and Cheyenne walk in on Reba and Barbra Jean hugging
Van: It was then they realized that neither one of them needed a man.

[ Last edited by bala at 2-11-2009 10:24 ]

bala

Turk: Cathy, you're playing Elliot. So I want to see some bug eyes, alright. And, perfect. Plus find some cardboard. Stick it down the back of your pants, right. Make that ass flat, girl, let me see what you got right now. Yeah, we can go flatter.
J.D.: We can go flatter.
Turk: We can go flatter.

angel17halo

"Jim, you're 6"11 and you weigh 90 pounds. Gumby has a better body than you. Boom! Roasted!"
"Dwight, you're a kiss ass. Boom! Roasted!"
Pam, you failed art school. Boom! Roasted!"
"Meredith, you've slept with so many guys, you're starting to look like one. Boom! Roasted!"
"Kevin, I can't decide between a fat joke and a dumb joke. Boom! Roasted!"
"Creed, your teeth called, your breath stinks. Boom! Roasted!"
"Angela, where's Angela? There you are, I didn't see you behind that grain of rice. Boom! Roasted!"
"Stanley, you crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks. Boom! Roasted!"

I know you don't watch the office, but if you can believe it all those quotes were said by Michael Scott, their boss.

If anyone wants to see the clip of this hilarious scene, here it is (the facial expressions are also funny!) :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuDd6rT5aFM

zungtrouble

Cuddy: What are you doing this Friday night?
House: I'm taking a lovely young lady to the Philharmonic.
Cuddy: Does that translate to , "I'm having sex with a hooker?"

PuppyPooey

Arrested Development - S1 Ep11

Jessie: We need to make Michael the new face of the Bluth company. He's the only likable one in the bunch, no offense.
Michael: None taken.




S1 Ep21

Michael: Lindsay, new outfit?
Lindsay: This? No, I've had this for years. I think it's a hand-me-down from Mom.
Michael: You got a price tag. Right there.
Lindsay: Is there? I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing.
Michael: Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me.

joe200101

Firefly

Mal: Do yhou want to be captain of this ship?
Jayne: Yes
Mal Well........ you cant!

waterlilybarb

Thanks for the giggles folks.   I'll make sure to point Kim this way, next time she logs in, to award you your points.

kwargalla

Hey everyone great zingers!!

keep them coming

bala

Dr. Cuddy: How's the patient?
Nick: Whoa. I would do here in a minute with fudge and a cherry on top. Would someone please explain to this women? There's only so many apologies I can...
Thirteen: He has frontal lobe disinhibition.
Nick: I've already embarrassed myself with one doctor. Who, I am at this moment imagining with you, in a king-size bed with a mirror on the ceiling... I am so, so sorry. (to Cuddy) But if I couldn't have both of you together, you would definitely be my first choice.

codebreaker

When Sam sees Wendy in his bed

Wendy - Just give me another 6 hours
Sam - Wendy what are you doing in my bed
Wendy - I think there's a mouse in my apartment i couldn't sleep their
Sam - Wendy when we exchanged keys it was for emergency
Wendy - Since when are mouse droppings not an emergency
Sam - OK was is it a mouse or mouse droppings
Wendy - Mouse droppings are like the encyclopedia salesman's brochures of the rodent world they let you now they were their and that they are coming back soon

bala

Walter: This is quite delicious.
Peter: Where did you get that?
Walter: In the car, uneaten.
Peter: What is the matter with you?
Walter: Oh, forgive my son. He's been in a mood all day.
Peter: I just figured "don't eat the evidence" goes without saying

Peter: Are you okay?
Walter: Yes. Although when I mentioned that the poison would kill me within the hour, did either of you happen to notice the time?

imagnu

The timelord Doctor Who - explains the concept of time to Sally

Doctor - "People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint its more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff."

Sally - "Started well, that sentence."

Doctor - "It got away from me, yeah."

[ Last edited by imagnu at 4-15-2009 22:01 ]

waterlilybarb

Thanks for posting those.  Both made me laugh.

bala

Juliet: Thank God. What are the odds we were to end up in the same time as this thing.
(There is a flash and the ruins disappear.)
Sawyer: You just had to say something

Jack: how can you read?
Ben: my mother taught me

Sawyer: (Sawyer looks up and sees the flash is going to save them from the boat chasing and shooting at them) Thank you Lord! (Flash ends and they are in a raging storm) I take that back!!!!

Dan: What, you're gonna, you're gonna shoot me? That right. Yeah, that would be perfect because of course rifle fire right next to - what would you call this, hydrogen bomb, yes, fantastic idea. Really inspired.

David: You killed three people?
Hurley: No. Sayid did.
David: Oh well, that's better.

Hugo: (talks to Sayid) You want a fry?
Sayid: No, thank you.
Hugo: You know, maybe if you ate more comfort food you wouldn't have to go around shooting people

Sawyer: (to Charlotte) Shut it Ginger or you are getting one too.

waterlilybarb

Quote:

Hugo: (talks to Sayid) You want a fry?
Sayid: No, thank you.
Hugo: You know, maybe if you ate more comfort food you wouldn't have to go around shooting people

I think that was one of my favourite funny lines this season.

kellemanske

From Crusoe  (1x01)
Will Atkins: [to Crusoe] Ye think that's funny?
Judy: I do.
Will Atkins: Half a day on this island and four men gone. Am I supposed to be impressed?
Judy: I am.
Will Atkins: Will ye shut up?